Monday, December 17, 2012

Pregnant in Romancelvania

I started writing this in the waiting room at my gynecologist's office. For almost an hour, I was surrounded by ladies in various states of pregnancy. One looked bored, a couple looked drawn and tired, and one looked excited. I found out, while shamelessly eavesdropping,  the excited one was due to be induced later on today (I assume her excitement was seeing the light at the end of the tunnel). Seeing the majority were noticeably unexcited, it made me wonder why pregnancy is so romanticized in romance novels.

Where is the morning sickness that lasts all day? The heartburn that makes lying flat to sleep impossible? Swollen ankles? Not in Romancelandia. These women glow and glide (not waddle) through nine months as if they weren't weighed down by at least two bowling balls. I guess if authors (myself included) depicted pregnancy realistically, we would have to call it Romancelvania, and that would pull the reader out of the "feel good" place that a good story puts them in.

Because I'd love, just once, for a heroine to go through pregnancy authentically, I decided to take a stab at portraying a few humorous actualities in an epilogue to the epilogue for Just Add Heat. I'll post it in a few days, but for now I've compiled a short-list to compare pregnancy in Romancelandia to Romancelvania:

Pregnant in Romancelandia

1. Heroine wears sexy thong until just before giving birth, as if her butt wouldn't eat them.

2. Hero finds a hugely pregnant woman the most erotic thing he's ever seen. (There are some of those guys out there, but come on, you know most are looking forward to getting his lady back to her "normal" size.)

3. All of the heroine's weight gain (and really, it's practically unnoticeable) is in her belly.

4. See #3.

5. Heroine has "cute" cravings that the hero indulges at all hours.

Pregnant in Romancelvania

1. Hero laughs at the humongous underwear the heroine is sporting.

2. While trying to have sexytimes, the heroine lets out a huge fart.

3. The heroine gains 75 pounds, eventually outweighing the hero.

4. Heroine's fingers get so swollen her wedding band has to be cut off.

5. After intense cravings for French fries at 2:30 am, actually tasting them (after hero drives to Jack in the Box in the middle of the night following 20 minutes of uninterrupted nagging ) causes heroine to become violently ill, and even smelling fries trigger's her gag reflex for the rest of her pregnancy.


  1. Oh I love this post! I have a one year old and a three year old so I get it. I have started working on a WIP where heroine gets pregnant at the begining of the relationship not the end and I completely intend to add a little Romancelvania!!

    1. I know, right? Let me know when you finish your WIP, that sounds like something interesting that I'd like to read!